Here I was sitting in the Yellow Book pub in Brighton, while a beardy Scottish man tried to describe the puppet he needed for his new show, knowing exactly just how weird this was all going to sound.
A talking haggis"
"So, kind of sausage shaped"
"Like a bit rugby ball shaped
"Oh so, like bags under the eyes?"
"No, not 'tired' as in sleepy, tired as in dogeared...
With big googly eyes"
"I knew you'd say that. I was thinking of a haggis with googly eyes.
Do you want it to look good, or like a bit shit?"
"As good as possible. Like professional"
"Is this all a bit like the Singing Kettle?"
And he wears the robes that Catholic priest wear
A purple one"
"Can he like... have a pope hat?"
"Yes, of course he can"
A man on another table couldn't help but ask questions.