Day 13

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Ugh thanks for this TFL at Marylebone.

 

Thing have always taken me a lot longer to do or achieve and Ive always felt behind on my peers or the people around me. Im also the youngest of my sibling and have a lot to look up to.

 

Developing Anxiety at 11 gave me intense emotions I was not old enough to deal with. Hell even now I can sometimes not deal with them. Anxiety can make you feel the worst terror your body could produce and I felt that almost every single day. It made me unable to willingly leave the perceived safety of my home (because I at least didnt panic there) and when I had to, for school, I went home as soon as I could, exhausted. It meant I was too scared or too knackered to even think of trying new things.

It took me longer than most to do a lot of things: going to a friends house, hanging with my friends, going into London, using a train by myself, studying, dating, passing my driving test, moving out, seeking employment, traveling abroad

Even at almost 28 I still feel thoroughly behind my friends. I think I have struggled to acknowledge my own achievements or any time I have passed one of those key milestones because well “everyone else has already done it AND they did it ages ago!” I cant stop to feel proud of myself, Im still so far behind

 

So sure, maybe its not a failure, but it sure feels like it sometimes and thats a shame that wont quit