Firstly look how long my dog is.
Fell asleep before I managed to do yesterdays post so here it is.
Had some tough thoughts to battle through and some I had to share with my husband whose is my rock and chief confidant
However, as much as Im super honest about my anxiety as a whole, Im much more secretive and selective with who hears the individual thoughts that are bothering me. Because they are pure negative and persistent. And its incredibly hard for someone who loves and cares for me to hear that I think no one cares or loves me. But thats what my brain has been trying to convince me for 2 hours. And I am genuinely terrified that it will push people away when I most need them.
But yesterday I realised that sometimes when I talk to those close about how I feel when the thoughts are bad, its less that I fully believe in these thoughts but more that I need to purge them out of my head usually in a storm of tears and anger. Its all maybe a bit dramatic and snotty but its needed.
I dont really need convincing because I have all the tools and coping mechanisms and hope from a mixture of CBT, NLP and talking therapy. But sometimes the negative thoughts can feel too big and loud and they just need to get out of my head so I can hear my own logic. And sometimes i need someone to listen and support me through it.
Kind of like when your sick and you need someone to hold your hair and rub your not look through the vomit and scrutinise whats in it.
Thats what a Doctor/psychiatrist is for
Ewwww that was a gross metaphor and Im the one with a vomit phobia. But its too apt.
Its hard living with me. But Ive taken great pains to understand my own head and take complete ownership of my reactions and responses. Im hoping this realisation is a turning point for myself and those closest to me and my friends who I may allow into my inner thought circle