Im proud of the way I have chosen to respond this week to some bad triggery stuff that happened last week. Instead of withdrawing which is often what my brain tells me I should do (while beating myself up about how toxic or repellent I am. Big lot of laughs you are, brain) I have tried to really embrace my friends and talk about how I feel while being as reflective as possible as well. I tried not to rant but talk through. And I feel much better about it. Ive also connected with friends in meaningful and simple ways more than I would do on an average week. I travelled up and down London twice, I saw a show, I went to an art exhibition, I Skyped, saw people in the office, ate cake and bao.
Ive also made a decision to try and leave people voice messages instead of text messages when I can and its been wonderful to hear peoples voices and about their day that feels like they’re just there besides me. Its like curating my own little podcast of the people I love. And it prevents my brain from reading into words when I dont have the emotional tone to go with it. Instead, I can feel the warmth from my friends it acts as a barrier between me and the negative parts of my brain which has less and less ammo to use against me.
Thank you to all the friends who have responded with their message or seen me or spoken to me for bringing me lots of hope and love this week.
And the rest of you, I’m sure i’ll see/hear from you soon as well. I havent left you out!!