Im really starting to see the benefit of discussing and sharing my recovery journey for myself. Ive had some lovely messages from people but the last few days represent a step in the right direction.
I had someone who Im still willing to see as a friend completely block me from messaging services and social media effectively severing our friendship. I wont go into detail because its not fair.
I mention it because it upset me, it brought me to tears and through an anxiety storm of thoughts.
But the remarkable thing is I got out of it after a very short time for me. (I have my husband to thank for the support he gave me to guide me out of it) And so far it hasnt even followed me into the next day. This is just incredible. In the past this would have really rocked me. As you would have seen in a previous recovery day this should be my worst fear coming true again. But I had a weird observation half way through my anxiety attack and thought “I dont have to do this to myself”
I believe if I hadnt of shared my fears before hand and had such a lovely response from people things would have been different. So I thank you for helping me.
Instead of withdrawing which my anxiety would have tempted me to do, Ive reached out to other friends not even to rant but to feel connected. To remind me of the love and care I still have. Ive concentrated on compassion not just for this lost friend but for myself. And it hasnt felt like a challenge or a battle with my head. It feels natural and not accompanied by stress. Ive relaxed, Ive breathed,Ive given myself a cuddle.
Good mental health is about being able to feel sadness and disappointment but not be taken over by it. Its not avoidance of these emotions but being able to continue.
It hurt but I will continue. I will be strong and loved and compassionate and I will learn from my mistakes