Went to the hospital for a screening and had a semi-surprise biopsy (knew it was a possibility but didnt think it was going to happen) 😣
Everything SHOULD be absolutely fine but Im more surprised Im not more anxious. It was only through chatting to a fellow anxious veteran friend that I realised just how cool I was feeling about it! Even though I can worry for days about small things, a phone call, one thing I said years ago, what to eat tonight. But this? Im fine 😎 a bit sore but fine. People seem to be more worried around me.
I realised that there is genuinely nothing I can do but wait for results and follow any other doctors advice. I cant CBT away the sore feeling I have, I dont have to work on it like I do here with my anxiety and Ive not done or thought ANYTHING to cause anything to happen.
And when a doctor says everything is fine they just need to double check, I can trust that I will get better. And its not really based on how many positive thoughts I haveor my outlook. The pain I have will ease in a couple of days, there is a reliable estimation of how long things will take.
When I live with a lot of physical symptoms which includes pain and cramps and nausea, theres something comforting in a way to know exactly why Im feeling something (cos a teeny weeny bit of me got cut out!) and not trying to search for the underlying thoughts that may have caused it. This is maybe the first proper medical thing that hasnt and cant be put down to my anxiety!
And theres something in knowing that if and when something ever goes a little wrong Ive got a remarkable amount of strength stored somewhere to deal with it. Which maybe I do have it to help@me recover more with my head :)