Day 23 of 365 Days of Recovery



Another late update but its mostly because once my husband comes home, I dont want to spend too much time on my phone. And the only person insisting that I regularly update is me and Im not going to be too strict. The mornings can be a little quieter though to do this (even though I have a tonne of work)

Speaking of a tonne of work I have a lot of puppets to make and not a lot of time to make them (Im talking days if not a week) and it is stressing me out. 😫

I mean its regular type of stress which is fine and dandy but when Im anxious and under pressure and getting over a cold and nightmarish sleep my tolerance for stress is low. Mix in that I have not a lot of time to make helpful creative mistakes and I feel my confidence in my work and my chosen field really cracking. So I shed a few tears today and I felt like a fraud at the very core of my being and wondered what the hell I was doing. 
I mean WHAT IF (and anxiety is full of Whats Ifs) Im just not as good as I want to be? Have I been a little deluded all this time? Is it Imposter Syndrome or am I actually right for once

It may not be the best time for trying out new techniques but when your puppet making you’re always trying something new. You have to risk little failures. I just dont quite have the time for that

Ive also been learning a mindfulness trick where you catch your thoughts and label it “thinking” or “feeling” just to bring some awareness where your mind is going but... eh it was a bit too much today. Too many labels. Needs more practice

A day of tiny failures which I have to forgive and learn from and not beat myself with. 
I may be kind of happy with the result but it took all day when well.